Chris Miller

Jan 17, 1995, I sat with detective Sgt. Collins in the Attleboro police station and listened to him order me to change the message on my answering machine. “You think this is funny?” he asks. Hmm, let’s see, called in to the police station because I said bad words on my answering machine, yes it is quite funny. I said I had no control over who called my line but they didn’t have to continue past the greeting into the other messages if they were shocked. As far as Legalize Crack leaflets showing up in junior high and grade schools, well I had nothing to do with that. “What if I change the name to Legalize Pez? Did you here my Legalize Pez poem?” Suprisingly he said he did. “I didnt like it.” oh the slings and arrows of critics.

We got no where in that meeting. I said I would tone it down for awhile to be nice and then I went to the Sun Chronicle newspaper. I figured the police were just going to try and get me to shut down using illegal tactics of persuasion and that my best bet would be to have a little light shined on the matter. I had no idea that it would be headline news the next day.

Its kind of funny because the hotline, which I ran on an AT+T 1545 answering machine, had been around since the October before. The first time I recieved a call from the police I ignored it because I thought it was some prankster. I got all kinds of weird messages. After all what would the police be doing calling me? Then I found out that they traced my P.O. Box to someone else’s address and raided his house instead. Ha. Three detectives and they get the wrong guy for something that’s not even a crime.

The hotline was just for fun. The humor revolved around crack use, like the Jenny Crack weight loss program and the free sample of crack in which I would blow the smoke to you through my mouthpeice. Its popularity suprised even me for the amount of publisising I did but I guess kids just needed a place to vent. And they did by leaving anonymous messages which I then played back to anyone who called.

The publicity through the newspaper was great. I had old ladies grabbing me in the street saying that if I was their kid they would turn me over their knee. I would get calls from the Attleboro Police night and day. I knew it was them because they had the weather station on hold and they would fill my machine up with weather broadcasts. I don’t know if they did this on purpose or if they just didn’t know how to hang up the phone. The best was when I got a death threat from the Police. I got death threats all the time but after one call where they threaten to “kill me if they see me on the street” they hang up, which is followed by the weather station.

That’s the way it went the entire time I was on trial too. For almost a year I had to defend myself against charges of ‘contributing to the delinquency of a minor’ and ‘vending machine fraud’. No actual machines were defrauded but I had told people how to do it.

In the end most of the answering machine messages were lost when friends would borrow them and loose them. The few that are left you can download in mp3 format below.

My personal favorite of the surviving few is a message from Sgt. Collins of the Attleboro Police Department.

Legalize Crack Hotline Audio Downloads:

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